How to unfriend someone in real life

From time to time, I am unpleasantly surprised to learn that I was unfriended on Facebook. If that friend is a person I met once and probably will never see, I do not mind. Sometimes, however, I feel unhappy with people I know well – people I’ll probably see again.

Video translate:
this is a hot topic in the age of social media it is not hard to unfriend someone you just click in you’re done but what about in real life there are times in our lives when you just outgrow a friendship where you find out that’s not working anymore but how do you go about ending a friendship without all the drama and heartbreak yeah here with some great advice on how to approach this awkward situation is psychotherapist Tina Kahn welcome back to your morning thank you alright you say that if this doesn’t happen to you or hasn’t happened in your lifetime you’re probably not putting yourself first absolutely so many times our social circle consists of people that we’ve grown up with or maybe we went to school with but if you’re growing personally and professionally chances are they’re not gonna be growing with you not everybody at least and here’s what I see I see people playing too small for too long because they’re worried about that they’re worried about what other people think if they break away when it doesn’t matter what other people think what matters what you think because that’s what controls your results alright so it talked to us about how you can tell if a friendship has run its course what are the red flags well I think the key indicator is how do you feel so when you get that text saying are we gonna meet up do you feel excited about it enthused or do you feel like ah you feel like this is gonna be a hard night and also the content of the conversation are they still talking about what happened in 2008 the heydays where you’ve kind of outgrown that or maybe they’re into things that you’re no longer into it doesn’t interest you so those are the two keys so you’ve identified the red flag you’ve determined this is not something that is going to bring me life and I need to move on yes but what do you do yes nobody likes to have the awkward conversation no it is it okay just to vanish I don’t think so I think if this person meant something to you at some point and you’ve outgrown them I think just for an integrity purposes it’s good to let them know that maybe you’re now focused on your career or building your business or your health so you’re not gonna make pub night or you can’t be part of the book club here’s the thing some people aren’t gonna like it they’re not gonna like it because they like you the way you were and they liked you in your in their life the way you were but when you start to act from this place that’s the highest expression of you you give them unconscious permission to do the same so listen in an ideal world as we there’s a very in conversation and we part not as frankly part as not friends but there’s still social media – yeah there’s that footprint there’s that shadow that that follows you wherever you go and and you might have left their lives in reality but but for all practical intents and purposes they can still follow you absolutely and you can still follow them yeah so what do you do there well I think it’s important not only who you surround yourself with but what you absorb and if seeing their posts are kind of triggering you or putting you in a negative state you’ve got to mute them you’ve got to unfollow or block just have to do it you’re responsible for what you absorb and your the content okay so there’s a lot of people who would say I don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings I can you know I can suck it up and go to one event for one night because I don’t want to hurt their feelings sure what would be your response I think you know you have to take this is one thing where people don’t do things because they’re so worried about what other people think and they don’t want to hurt their feelings if you really want to make a change and this person is no longer a part of where you’re going their feelings are gonna be hurt yeah they just will be so what if this isn’t like a colleague or you know a childhood friend what if this is somebody that’s part of your family oh yeah the family member I was just working on this with a client and I said think of six great qualities about this person the first two came really easy and then we have to dig deep but she found six okay and then I said well focus on the good forgive the rest and keep the visit short yeah it sure is that there are certain people in your life that it’s not it’s not who they are it’s how long you experienced them for you can tolerate you cannot tolerate a 30 minute you know interaction but if it goes longer then it can be quite enjoyable for thirty minutes yeah you can put boundaries around it and that makes it that does make it enjoyable and then you go in with a better attitude I always think a friendship is like circles so you’ve got the intimate circle and you know lesser degrees of intimacy as you move out of the circle that’s right but even in that circle it changes over time right yeah absolutely well thank ou will have a conversation after the show [Laughter]